I will not be able to keep my job. As of Monday, my two weeks notice needs to be in. All because I'm an idiotic fool who couldn't just accept things as they were and try to make my life that way. I need to try and apply at some other places around here, but I don't feel very hopeful. I tried to stay upbeat about the whole matter in front of others, making jokes and the like, but the truth is I'm scared. I don't like major changes. I don't like being FORCED to change. And I especially don't like feeling like the entire situation is my fault.

All the characters I roleplay are strong for a reason. They're not what I really am. They're what I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who can take things as they come. Instead everything that happens drags me further into the depths of depression. I've had to try really hard recently to not be completely alone for too long, because I'm becoming afraid of what I might do to myself. I'm stressed, sleep-deprived, bitchy and an all-out mess.

I have NO idea what will happen with the situation with the employee who accused me of mistreatment. At the moment I'm rehirable, but at worst, this could reverse that. Not that I really think it's going to, but at this point I can only see everything at its worst case scenario.

I can't even think about telling my parents what's happening. I was so damn proud of myself for trying to become a bit more independant, and what does it do? Blow up in my face. They don't need to be disappointed in me again.

And as for the living situation itself...I don'r know what will happen to me in a year. I'm almost certain we won't renew the lease here together...it seems I'm a fairly intolerable person. Besides, it seems that everyone else is content with living with their parents. But if not here, then where? Not back home, especially if I still work around here. I can't possibly live alone, and I don't have anyone else to turn to. I suppose I can cross that bridge when I get that far...

The rest in a nutshell: It seems things with Ra-chan are still too awkward for me. I finally got a check from Rent.com, thank god. I bought an OLD laptop from an employee for $100 and named it Maybe It's Bob. My diary was reviewed by a normal, high school bitch who doesn't know shit about anime and has no artistic vision. I'm gonna have an anime party. Someday. Somehow.

And for anyone who actually read this far...tsuyoku ni naritai means I want strengh. I wish to be strong, at least enough to make it through this. Ja ne.