So what the fuck else is new.

I'm to the point that I'm sick of everything, and everyone. I can't deal with these people. I can't cope with the things around me. I want to go somewhere away from the rest of the world for a long, long time.

What a weird thing for a lonely person to say.

But I'm sick of trying, to be honest. All that being involved with other people causes is pain. I should just get used to being alone again. I was alone before, why does it feel so bad now...?

Today, we bought the stuff to start painting the apartment. Here I thought it would be something fun to do...Roalee was going to help me, and she did a bit, but I know the paint fumes bother her. I kept asking if she was okay, and she kept insisting she was fine. And then...for some reason, she said I'd suckered her into helping me. The fact that she didn't want to help didn't hurt so much. But the fact that she accused me of making her do something she didn't want to hurt really bad. So much that I didn't even go to the movie I'd wanted to see tonight.

So...I suppose the correct response in this situation is to not ask anyone for anything ever again. If I'm in need of something I'll just have to get it myself or go without. Be more self-sufficient. Learn to do things without the help of another.

Tonight, as I painted, certain thoughts crossed my mind. Things I hadn't thought about in quite a while. I never have figured out what stops me from following through with those thoughts. Am I afraid of something? Is there some particular reason I'm supposed to stay alive?

There's a cat by my door. I feel like playing with it. Maybe it's time to watch more anime. Ja ne.