So why am I not happier?

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled we're getting the apartment. I've been anxious about it all week and finally having an answer is a huge weight off my chest. But given everything else on my mind, the load doesn't feel much lighter...

Ra-chan called me this morning. I didn't feel like picking up when she called me, but after considering it a few minutes I decided to see if I could actually hold a conversation with her. Turns out I can't. The whole 'conversation', if one can call it that, was tense and awkward and I wound up hanging up on her. I was so upset after that that even my dad could tell (and he's oblivious to EVERYTHING) so I went to sleep instead.

I honestly just don't know what to think at this point. She's obviously sorry, but I just can't get past my own hurt feelings. How selfish of me, ne? I can bring myself to forgive anyone, given a little time, but I can't grant the same to the one person who means more than anything to me. The one person who put up with me and my quirks almost unconditionally...

'Wonderful' people aren't this selfish, Ra-chan. They don't lash out at the people who try to help them, just because it's more comfortable in their own little hole. They don't abuse the people they love. They don't turn their backs on their best friends for making one statement that hurt them. How can you love someone like that?

How can you love someone that makes you feel trapped?