So, I didn't sleep once again. It's all Roalee and Geoff's fault. ^_^; Actually, they did tell me to go to bed, but I didn't listen. I suppose I should have, because some of the things they said I wish I'd remained oblivious to. So after I heard them, I left. And tried to sleep. And failed miserably due to my upset state. Which brings me to where I am now: Listening to Toki ni Ai Wa on my MP3 player, watching a stupid informercial, brewing chocolate coffee and bitching to my diary once again.

I sort of wish I was as insensitive and indifferent as I accuse Geoff of being. Maybe if I was like that I wouldn't be so distraught to the point that I'm still awake to watch the sun rise for the third day in a row. But no, I have to be sensitive and gullible and stupid. I have to waste my emotions on some jackass I kept telling myself I never had a chance in hell with anyway. I'm a fucking idiot. -.- But that's still part of the balance of nature, I suppose. I feel insignificant around Randy because his ego is so big it leaves about an inch of space for mine. To balance those who are always lucky in love, there must be those who choose the wrong person and are consistantly rejected. It's sad, but true.

Given my nature I will probably end up avoiding him now, which is truly sad because I get along with him so well. -.- Where I once hoped he would get promoted to manager, I'm now anxious about it. We'll see how I end up reacting once the time comes, I guess. I always think I'll react one way, but when the situation arises something completely different happens. Worse comes to worse and if I can't make myself deal with this anymore, I guess I could always leave the theatre...I don't want to, but...

Ugh...y'know, the easiest way to avoid these problems would be to simply not trust anyone. If I lose all faith in humanity I can't be disappointed, just pleasantly susprised at best, ne? Given how often I've had "friends" in my life turn on me, it's shocking I have any trust left in me...I guess it can't really be helped, though. I tell myself this every time this kind of things happens and every time I wind up doing the exact same thing. Life is a gigantic vicious cycle...

^_^ And, as yet another balance in nature, some positive comments to even out the negative! I still have my job. I like my job, yes I do. I have my bishounens, who can't hurt me because they're only on TV and they'd never be anything except what I want them to be in my head. Pretend men are so much kinder and easier to deal with than real ones.

My music has moved on to Why I'm Here by Oleander, which isn't much lighter as far as lyrics are concerned but it makes me feel so much better. "I can't love you any more..."

And, on my final positive note, the sun has now risen for the third day in a row. And it is beautiful. Ja ne, minna.