Yesterday was...discouraging.

At best.

I had my birthday party thing this weekend, which was mass amounts of fun. ^_^ We hung around a lot and Ra-chan gets along really well with Shanny. The three of us need to hang out more often. I miss hanging out with her anyway...

So on Sunday morning we had ice cream for breakfast, coffee and yaoi discussions at Barnes, and some really good Para Para sessions at Illusions. The whole day was turning out really well.

Umtil I got to work.

It seemed everything went wrong when I got there. The first customer I had was really mean, and everyone seemed kinda icy after that. I tried so hard to strike up conversations like I normally do (I like customers at Walgreen's...) and no one wanted to talk to me. To make matters worse, our cos person had to go home in the middle of her shift, leaving two closing employees, leading Ms Waldman to completely freak out. She's stressy as it is, but...MAN. She musta been on crack or something yesterday.

I had something weird happen to my head on Saturday and on Sunday I was still sort of recovering from it, so I was quite lethargic. Unfortunately, that meant I was not quite as efficient as I should have been, and nothing seemed to get done at the rate Ms. Waldman wanted it to. I felt bad to begin with, and that only made me feel worse. I'm still the new one. I HAVE to do a good job.

On top of EVERYTHING ELSE...business was dead after the pharmacy closed at six, which left me alonr with my thoughts.

It is NOT a good idea to leave me alone with my thoughts. Especially with what was going through my mind. It was like talking to myself, trying to defend my actions against some other part of my mind. It was difficult to deal with...

It started when I saw something cute, and was debating buying it for Ra-chan. Something in me asked, 'why do you always do that?' I thought about it...I have no idea. This started a 'what the hell are you thinking' kind of mindset, calling me a pushover for wanting to do so much for someone who I had such a problem trusting for the longest time. THen it got on my case for even bothering to trust again. Why trust someone who can only hurt you again?

I didn't have an answer for that. I still don't, to be honest. It bothers me...I guess the best response I can offer is that if it happens, it happens. What I need right now is this friendship. If I end up worse for it, so be it, I suppose. I don't mean to hurt anyone with this, it's just something I needed to get off my chest. I'm probably just thinking too much. Either that or I'm developing muliple personalities. @_@

Baka neko.

Ja ne.